Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Ten Guilty Little Secrets

Responding to the gauntlet insouciantly thrown down by Dominic Zero to confess to "ten records that hide at the back of your collection that no grown man should own" ... oh dear, it was a struggle to get it down to a mere ten.

1)Something Happened On The Way To Heaven - Phil Collins Actually, I put up a post on this very song, 24.1.07 - he may be a Tory-voting shitehawk, but I insist this is a wonderful and poignant little ditty. And the keerazy video, complete with dog shit, is still a kitsch classic.
2)King Of Pain - The Police The dreadful Mr Sumner, sucking up to any passing Amazonian Indian while treating his domestics like shit and indulging in, um, congress with that harpy for ten hours at a time ... what a tosser.
3)Synchronicity II - The Police Fuck me, two Police songs? Oh my God, am I a closet fan and never actually knew it? This was designed to appeal to my deep-seated pseudness, referencing as it does Yeats and Jung.
4)You're A Lady - Peter Skellern The dirty bastard.
5)Candy Girl - New Edition It's a thinly disguised rip-off of 'ABC', and it features Bobby Brown, who is, officially, an utter wanker. Nice little song, though.
6)Chasing Rainbows - Shed Seven Chronic indie under-achievers, with a lead singer more convincingly simian than Ian Brown could ever be. Be afraid, they have reformed.
7)Radio Africa - Latin Quarter The missus was once righteously appalled when I insisted on singing this in a dreadful cod Jamaican accent for the best part of an afternoon. Loudly. And, for a long time, I thought it was by Toto.
8) Hand Held In Black and White - Dollar As with (4), I was dubious about putting this down, coming perilously close as it does to 'guilty pleasure' style kitsch indulgence, but it's a Trevor Horn production and a lush old piece of Spectoresque pop.
9)Friends - Bette Midler Heard this on the soundtrack of The Last Of Sheila, a wonderful little oddity of a movie, written by Anthony Perkins and Stephen Sondheim (the movie, not the song). I even went out and bought a Midler greatest hits album just to get a copy of this song. And I don't care who knows it.
10)Who Made Who - AC/DC Has there been some kind of Led Zep style rehabilitation for AC/DC, or are they forever safely beyond the realms of good taste?


Blogger Betty said...

Ha ha. It takes a brave man to put forward a case for Shed Seven's existence.

2:18 PM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

I almost threw caution to the wind and included their 'Going For Gold' too.
They say confession is good for the soul.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Geoff said...

I can listen to and enjoy Peter Skellern's greatest hits all the way through. Richard Stilgoe would be a step too far, though.

8:18 PM  
Blogger KAZ said...

What's Latin Quarter doing hiding here?
They were great!

10:17 PM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

It's good that you draw a line in the sand somewhere, Geoff ... and that Richard Stilgoe is safely in the other side.
Skellern fans of the world, stand up proud.
Latin Quarter ... hmmm, they passed me by, I'm afraid ... hence my mistaken belief that Toto were responsible for their big hit.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Dominic Zero said...

'Hand Held In Black & White' is just genius. I've got that whole Dollar / Trev Horn album and it just rocks.
You're right though, 2 Police songs is pushing it by anybody's standards...

6:22 PM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

I like to think of that Dollar song as David Van Day's seminal work, before he sold out and joined Bucks Fizz.

8:19 AM  
Blogger kek-w said...

Actually, I love "Hand held..." "King of Pain" and "Candy Girl" too....and yehr, that Peter Skellern song is gret too - forgottem about that one...

7:00 PM  
Blogger kek-w said...

"gret too - forgottem about that one..." oooops: only two hours sleep last night - co-ordination gone!

7:01 PM  
Blogger El Duderino said...

Maybe you can just about get away with The Police but I don't think anything justifies Phil Collins. Mind you, you haven't seen mine yet...

7:58 PM  
Blogger kek-w said...

"but I don't think anything justifies Phil Collins" - ah, let us not forget that The Bald One played on some earlyish Eno records...also, Brand-X must be due for rehabilitation soon...

11:09 PM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

Yes, I always say that Mr Potato Face has graced a few Eno and Fripp records. Just don't mention Buster.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Molly Bloom said...

That is so funny. 'Hand Held Black and White' was one of the first records I ever bought. I'm a bit younger than you lot (no offence guys, I don't look a day over 75, even though I'm actually 15 and three quarters) so mine will probably be much more embarrassing. I thought you were going to mention the Roachford record though...

What about 'Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo der der der ....just go ahead and JUMP!' Now that's class!

I do love that Dollar song though and the lady looked gorge in that too. Hand held black and white, into the Southern light...

There was a 'OOoooooohoooooh' bit that echoed at the end too - marvellous.

'Candy Girl' is ace too.

I just don't think you can forgive Phil Collins though. I'm with Refried (and Niall Griffiths) on that one. Yurks, Lordi you'll never live that one down.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Molly Bloom said...


I rest my case.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Molly Bloom said...

Oh goodness. You've made me think of Sting!!!!!!

You're for it now!

Where are ye?!

4:40 PM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

Jeez, that's another song I forgot to include - I LOVE Van Halen's 'Jump', an absolute classic.
Notice I'm still not mentioning the Roachford?
Go on - Sting - think of him ... bollock naked.

5:06 PM  
Blogger kek-w said...

Sting, naked...jeez...

Yer right tho: "Jump" is ace.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Molly Bloom said...

Whenever I hear that tingle on the beginning of 'Jump' I always get excited.

I still think 'Since Yesterday' should be on this list too. Especially for the bit when it jumps from speaker to speaker.

I'm going to add 'Je Suis Un Rock Star' as well coz me like it!

If you mention Sting'll have to do a lot of humiliating things to make it up to me. You shall do such things! I know not what they are!

11:07 AM  
Blogger Molly Bloom said...

Actually you said you liked 'Fields of Gold' - come on...come out of the closet on Sting Anthony. Admit're a secret fan.

11:09 AM  
Blogger St. Anthony said...

Actually, yes ... 'Field of Gold'(even if it is a rip off of Wreckless Eric's 'Whole Wide World), 'All This Time' ... wonderful songs, every one of them Is he a musical genius and I've just been wrong all these years?

Naah, he's a cunt.

'Je Suis Un Rock Star' - c'mon, you'd have to have a heart of stone not to whistle along with that one.

11:51 AM  

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